Where Do You Go When There is Nowhere to Go?

I have lived the last two years in disappointment and frustration.  There is nothing like having a sick child that you cannot help.  When there is no cure and there is no one that seems willing to help you life can feel worthless.  Watching your child suffer is the worst pain a parent can go through. I do not know if there is a cure for him or if there is any relief available for him.  I feel powerless.  I feel helpless.

Through this process I have learned a few things. Number one, the Lord is my only salvation.  No matter what I am going through the Lord carries me through in a way I never though possible.  For those that are not Christian, this may sound cliche or like a cop out. The truth is, I used to feel the same way.  If God loved me then why would he allow my precious boy to suffer this way?

I feel like Job at times, Yet when I hoped for good, evil came; when I looked for light, then came darkness. The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me. I go about blackened, but not by the sun; I stand up in the assembly and cry for help." - Job 30:26-28   I cry out to the Lord, "Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief."  Psalm 31:9  Surprisingly, he hears me.

When I pray, a calm surrounds me.  I am able to help other people in their distress. I am able to handle my own pain easier.  There are so many that suffer more than me.  This reminder gets me through.  No matter what I go through the Lord will carry me through.  He will give me the wisdom that I need.

Looking back on past heartaches, I realize how much the Lord carried me.  I do not have any clue how I have survived many moments in my life.  It almost seems like a dream, like it was not really me that went through those times. I believe that is the Lord that carried me.  The Lord made me stronger than I ever though I could be.

When people ask me how I can handle watching my little boy suffer through is seizures I don't really know how to answer.  The only thing I know for certain is that I have found a strength that is much larger than me. I could not go through it alone.  Family and friends help but they are not my answer.  My higher power is my answer. 

I go tomorrow with faith in people that I do not necessarily trust.  So far they have been a disappointment.  I will go with the confidence that the Lord is leading us down this road and whatever happens, it is God's world, not mine.  God is in control.  I will give up and allow him to lead me.  Although I may feel like dying on the inside I will present a strong exterior and be a good example to my little boy.  He needs me to be strong and so I will be.

If you have gone through similar situations, please comment to this post and share your experience and what has gotten you through.  Being involved in ministry at church keeps me grounded and gets my mind off of myself.   I have so much to offer others and dwelling in my pain will reduce my usefulness to others.  I want to be a light that inspires others.  What are your thoughts?